One of the most important things I did in my early grief was deceptively simple: I walked. Every single day. Before the house woke up. In the cold, the rain, the snow. Whatever the weather was, I met it. I put my body in motion when my mind felt completely stuck. I listened to podcasts—especially Terrible, Thanks for Asking—hearing other grieving parents speak honestly about loss so I wouldn’t feel so alone in mine. I listened to every episode. It felt like companionship when isolation was heavy
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One of the most important things I did in my early grief was deceptiv…
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We’re back at Big Sky—the place where my son William died. And I keep asking myself the same question: am I out of my mind for returning… or am I doing something profoundly brave? The truth is, I swing between both. There are moments I can’t believe I’ve set foot here again. Moments when the ground feels heavy with memory and loss. And then there are moments when I feel strong—almost powerful—watching my living children ski, watching them love the mountain their brother loved so much. I don’t kn
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We’re back at Big Sky—the place where my son William died. And I …
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Something I didn’t know until five years after William died: not everyone gets an autopsy. When the medical examiner told us he died from blunt force trauma to the head and chest, we assumed that was an autopsy. It wasn’t. We were in shock. In a fog. We didn’t think to ask. It’s very likely William died in a skiing accident. But it’s also possible there was a medical event that caused him to go off the trail. I sit with those questions. I have that mom gut feeling. And I also know we’ll never tr
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Something I didn’t know until five years after William died: not every…
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No matter how our children died, so many of us arrive at the same place: self-blame. We search for the moment we could’ve changed everything. We carry guilt that doesn’t belong to us. And we suffer quietly because we think no one else feels it too. Learning that we were never in control is not a one-time realization — it’s a long, tender process. One that’s easier when we walk it together. If you’re a bereaved mom and this feels familiar, you’re not alone. If you love one, please be gentle — thi
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No matter how our children died, so many of us arrive at the same plac…
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After William died on a family trip, travel became heavy in ways it never was before. Airports. Mountains. Hotels. They all carry memory now. And still, we don’t want fear to shrink our children’s world. We want them to be curious. To see beauty. To know that grief and living can coexist. This isn’t about being brave. It’s about being intentional. #childloss #parentingafterloss #griefandtravel #bereavementmom #continuingbonds #raisingchildren | Susan Shaw
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After William died on a family trip, travel became heavy in ways it ne…
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When someone dies, the loss is never singular. You lose the person. But you also lose friendships that can’t hold your grief. You lose versions of yourself. You lose the illusion that everyone will stay. You lose the ease of being understood. And no one really warns you about that part. But if you stay. If you do the work. If you let grief change you instead of hardening you— You gain clarity. You gain perspective. You gain a deeper knowing of what matters and who doesn’t. You gain the courage t
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When someone dies, the loss is never singular. You lose the perso…
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Seven years ago, William died here at Big Sky Resort. We feel deeply called to be back on this mountain—but we don’t come back the same. Not because we were careless then. We weren’t. But because grief teaches you things you can only learn by living through the unthinkable. So now, before skis hit snow, we slow down. We study routes. Our youngest goes to ski school so he’s trained, capable, and confident. We invest in safety—even when it’s expensive—because peace of mind matters. AirTags. GPS. P
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Seven years ago, William died here at Big Sky Resort. We feel deeply …
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I became a mother again after my oldest son died. And sometimes, t…
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I never thought I’d return to the place where William died. For a lo…
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After William died, I assumed he’d had an autopsy. The coroner calle…
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When the pain of grief started to soften, I was terrified. Not becaus…
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Grief math…..People don’t talk about this part of child loss. Willia…
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